“For gosh sakes, he owns a Portuguese Water Dog! If President Obama hadn’t engineered Hurricane Sandy, why would he own the most hurricane-proof canine on the market?”
“I pledge to fill my cabinet with women like you. Just as I’ve filled my binders, kitchens and nanny barracks.”
4
“I ran into this nice fellow, a basketball player named Jay-Z. Very articulate. He said to me, ‘Governor Romney, you’re a businessman but I’m a business, man.’ Even urban kids understand: corporations are people too!”
“Sorry Big Bird, it’s time to pull the plug on PBS. To the cast of Downton Abbey: you have 24 hours to get the hell off my property.”
“Let’s just say the glass is 47% empty.”
“I will NEVER apologize for America. Just like I never apologized to my dog, Seamus, and never apologized to Santorum for tipping his Porta-Potty at the Iowa State Fair.”
“When I was a boy I wanted to be a firefighter or chairman of a private equity firm specializing in leveraged buyouts. The helmets don’t really work with my hair.”
